What to Wear to a Lifestyle Party: Dress Code Guide
"What do I wear?" is one of the questions we hear most, usually a day or two before someone's first party, usually while standing in front of a closet that suddenly feels very beige.
The short answer is in our house rules: dress to impress. The longer answer depends on the kind of night, what makes you feel good and how you're getting there. This guide covers all of it, for both of you.
The golden rule: dress for the room you want to be in
Lifestyle parties are dressier than most people expect. Guests put real effort in, and the room feels electric because of it. Showing up underdressed is the most common first-timer mistake, and it's the easiest one to avoid.
The basics:
Welcome: sheer, risqué, fitted, sparkly, lace, leather, anything that makes you feel like the hottest version of yourself.
Not welcome: gym clothes, shorts, work boots and sandals.
Themed nights: the dress code is listed right on the event page, so check before you shop.
What to wear to a play party
Play parties are held at private lifestyle clubs, run late and have the boldest dress of any night. This is where sheer and risqué really shine.
For her
A bodycon or slip dress with lingerie you're happy to show off underneath
A sheer top or mesh dress layered over a bodysuit or bralette
A lingerie set under a blazer or long coat that comes off once you're inside
Heels you can actually stand in for a few hours, or sleek boots
For him
Dark, fitted trousers or clean dark jeans
A fitted black button-down, a silk shirt or a sharp tee under a jacket
Good shoes. Leather, suede or clean dress sneakers. Never work boots.
Optional: a mesh shirt, harness or open collar if that's your style
The arrive-and-reveal move
You don't have to ride the subway in lingerie. Plenty of guests arrive in a coat or cover-up and reveal the real outfit once they're inside. It keeps things discreet on the way there and makes a great entrance.
What to wear to a social night
Social nights like Mutuals are held at lounges with a full bar. They're flirty, not physical, and the crowd dresses like it's the best date night of the month.
For her: a little black dress, a satin slip, a statement top with fitted pants or a sleek jumpsuit. Show a little skin, keep it lounge-appropriate.
For him: a fitted button-down or knit polo, dark trousers, a blazer if you like and shoes you'd wear to a nice restaurant.
Think "we have reservations somewhere sexy" and you'll fit right in.
Themed nights
Themed parties are where the room really comes alive, and going all in is part of the fun. A few examples of how to play along:
Costume nights: pick a side and commit. Angel wings and white lace, devil horns and red leather, or split the difference as a couple with one of each.
New Year's, like After Midnight: black and gold. Sequins, metallics, a sharp black suit with a gold detail or a black dress with gold jewelry.
Masquerade themes: a mask does a lot of work. Build a simple black outfit around a mask that makes a statement.
The event page always lists the theme and dress code, so you'll know well in advance.
Guys, this section is for you
Men are the ones most likely to underdress, and it shows. The good news is that looking great is simple:
Fit beats everything. A well-fitted black shirt looks better than an expensive one that's two sizes too big.
Go dark. Black, charcoal and navy are flattering in low light and hard to get wrong.
Grooming counts. Fresh haircut or trim, clean nails, a light hand with cologne.
Shoes matter. People notice them. Make sure they're clean and they're not sneakers you'd mow the lawn in.
Match her energy. If your partner is in a sheer dress and heels, a hoodie is not the move.
Coordinating as a couple
You don't need matching outfits, but looking like you arrived together helps other couples read you as a pair. A few easy ways:
Share one accent color: her dress, his pocket square or shirt
Match the level of dressiness, so one of you isn't in sequins while the other is in a polo
Pick a shared material, like both in black leather or both in satin
Comfort is sexy too
You'll be standing, dancing and moving between rooms for hours. A few comfort checks before you leave the house:
Shoes: walk around the house in them for ten minutes. If they hurt now, they'll hurt more at 1 a.m.
Temperature: dance floors run warm and lounges can run cool. A layer you can take off solves both.
Easy on, easy off: at a play party, outfits with fussy buttons and complicated straps are a lot less fun than they look.
Fabric: breathable fabrics and a spare top in the bag are never a bad idea.
What goes in your bag
Bags are checked at the door, so keep it small. The essentials:
Your valid government photo ID (driver's license, state ID or passport)
Protection you like
Mints, lip color and a small touch-up kit
A little cash
A phone charger for the ride home
Your drinks if it's a BYOB play party
A note for city winters
Party season in the Northeast often means dressing for the room and the weather at the same time. Wear a long coat that covers the outfit, carry heels in a tote if you're walking far and give yourself a few extra minutes inside to change shoes and settle in.
Now you just need somewhere to wear it
Check out upcoming events to see what's on the calendar and what each night's dress code is. First time? Our guide to your first lifestyle party covers everything else you'll want to know. And if you want the first shot at tickets, join the LustLetter.
